Finding Peace

I started this blog as a way to write and to pour out all my feelings and thoughts surrounding the loss of my very good friend. Since I had Ava, it seems as though it has turned more into a blog to remember all of the special and important moments of her life, which is fine and also so important to me, but it isn't how I "planned" on using this blog. I guess that is the way that life is, isn't it? It never goes like you plan for it to. A friend of mine's little girl was diagnosed with a very aggressive form of brain cancer when she was only 10 months old. She is now 2 and a half years old and is nearing the end of her battle, and so tragically, the end of her life. I find myself spending moment after moment thinking about her, and about Chelsey and Andrew, and then my mind automatically connects back to Ava, to my baby. In sending Andrew a message on facebook to organize a fundraiser a few weeks ago, I was connected back to an old message that I had sent to And...

Baby girl, at every month's "birthday" I start a new month worth of notes so that I don't forget any moment of your life, and I have to say that it honestly feels like I JUST started your sixth month notes, and now we are at seven! How did it go so fast?! Your Mommy and Daddy are feeling like time is moving a little too fast, and I just want it to slow down. This month we started to think about daycare, for when your Mom goes back to work in October, and I hate it. I hate that I won't get to be with you every day, all day long. I hate the fact that I will miss a single moment, that I will miss a single smile, and laugh, and yes, even cry. I hate it that you might do something brand new, that you have never done before, and that I may not be the first one to see it. That being said, your Mommy is lucky enough that when she does go back to work, she only has to go back 4 days a week, and we will get to spend Friday's together. I will enjoy every moment that we...