Finding Peace

As I sat in the hospital this morning, waiting to get yet another test done, I saw two things that brought me close to tears. What an amazing thing life is. That may seem like such an obvious statement, but I don't think I really realized until I became pregnant with Ava, and now it is all too clear as we try, and try, and try, to give our sweet girl a brother or sister. As I took my seat in the waiting room this morning, sitting across from me was a very young girl and her very young boyfriend who were very, very pregnant. As I watched her take deep breath after deep breath, and watched him checking his phone, now clearly timing contractions, my first internal response was jealousy. I could only assume that they had not planned this pregnancy and that they could not possibly be prepared to raise a child. Jealousy. What an ugly thing. I have a PERFECT little girl who has brought us only joy, and when I saw another life close to being brought into this world, my first feeling was ...

My sweet darling girl, as I laid you down to sleep tonight, I have never been more in love with you. As I laid you down last week, I waited for you to tell "Maaaaammy!" And then I waited for you to yell, " I have to go to the bathroom!" and then I waited for you to yell, "I need another bottle!" And in those times, my darling, I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and then remembered that you would not do this for very many years, so calm down Mama and go give your daughter ANOTHER snuggle! This kind of love, I just never knew it. This week your Daddy has thought that everything you do is just the most amazing thing that has ever been done. And believe me, your Daddy has always been amazed by you, but there is something about you right now that your Daddy, who is 2 at heart, is just connecting with, and he is falling so in love with you Ava. Sweet girl,  you are just that. You are the SWEETEST child that I have ever met. When Mommy hurts herself, or whe...

Our sweet, sweet girl, what an amazing age 2 is! And I might note that when I just typed the word "amazing," it autocorrected to "amazon," and that is an appropriate word for 2 as well! Your Daddy and I looked at our watches, and looked at each other with raised eyebrows at dinner two nights ago, because we were both exhausted, we were both in awe of your meltdown, and we were both ready for bed! It was definitely a wrap up dinner early, get you in the bath, and get you in bed EARLY kind of night. But we are lucky, in that those nights are so few and far between with you. Why is 2 amazing? * Because you are learning, and learning, and learning. Mostly great things, some not wonderful things! You are learning how to be a "big girl," and that is such hard work for a tiny thing. You are learning that it is ok for you to not want to do something, but that it is hard to figure out what words you can and cannot use when you don't want to do somethin...