Finding Peace

Miss Ava, you turned two yesterday, and your Daddy and I are just bursting with love for you. I know when you are little, you won't understand this sentiment at all. And when you are older, you are going to think that it is the lamest sentiment of all, because we couldn't actually burst because we love you. And I hate that I am going to say this, because it makes me seem far too old, but I am now certain that you will only understand how it feels when you have a little girl of your own, or perhaps a little boy too, but I only know for sure that you will feel it when you have a little girl. Ava, I wish I could put it into words how amazing we think everything you do is. I need to constantly check in with myself to make sure that the things that you are doing are actually ok, and that I'm not blinded by all your cuteness and lovableness and letting you be a little terror of a child. I don't want to be one of those parents who thinks that their child can do no wrong a...

My fun, fun, fun little girl, your Mommy and Daddy were reeling with pride and love after your first ever trip out trick or treating on Halloween this year. We know that we love you more than we could ever love anything, we have always felt that, but you have turned into this little person that just makes us BEAM at every moment, with SO much love. We began the season at Stacy's house (your daycare), as she got her house decorated so festively, that you were talking about Halloween long before it had arrived. You loved the spiders, and skeletons, and mostly the pumpkins that were at her house. This year, we took you to the pumpkin patch for the second time, and you got to pick out, and carry, your own pumpkin! We got to take a train ride, and you love trains so much right now that we are pretty sure that was the highlight for you. We carved our pumpkins, and put orange tea lights in them, and you loved it when we would turn all of the lights off so that you could see the pumpkin...

My sweet girl, your words of the month are FUNNY and MEMORY, and I'm not sure which is my favourite. Your remember EVERYTHING. You remember faces, you remember events, you remember words that you have heard only once or twice - you don't forget a thing.  In July you got stung by a bee on the lip, and you still talk about it from time to time, with the words "bee, at the park, owie." Then we went to Crystals wedding in August and you met your instant best friend Emma, and you are still telling me about "far away, Emma" and how she liked flowers. About a month ago we celebrated your Great Nana and Papa's 60th anniversary, and your Great Auntie Belle (Isobel) took a tumble into the bushes. She is 95, and we should have all been more scared, but she did it with a smile on her face and about as slow motion as I've seen a person fall. Fro time to time, while driving in the car, or having a quiet moment, you will say "Auntie Belle, bushes, owie....

There is something about it raining and you being buried that leaves me so unsettled. I usually find the rain somewhat calming, and Ava and I take moments to sit on the windowsill and listen to the rain, and to talk about what it sounds like. My sweet girl even told me a few days ago that she likes the rain, and I caught myself a bit by surprise when I told her that I like the rain too. You are not there, where you are buried, and I know that, but there is something about you being buried and having the rain fall hard and cold on you that makes me ache. I imagine that you are cold, I imagine that you are lonely, that you are alone, and that you are sad - when it rains, that is how I imagine you are feeling. But I suppose that was your life in the end, and I suppose that it felt like it was raining on you all the time, and I suppose that you did feel that the rain would never end, and that you would feel alone, lonely, and cold for all of your days. I hate that you were rained on, a...

Ava, I read this this morning and had to save it for you. You have a book that Auntie Christine made for you, with all of my blogs for you from your first year. So for your second year book, this will be included.  I thought of you, because it was just this morning when I thought that something must be wrong, because you didn't need me. Yesterday and today, your Daddy and I dropped you off at daycare, and you didn't care! I thought it was THE worst feeling when we would drop you off at your new daycare the first three times and you would SCREAM and not want to let go. It broke my heart.  But then, you stopped needing us. You could not get out of our arms soon enough to see Stacy, to see your new friends, and to play with the new toys. Yesterday, when I took you inside, you did just that. You wanted to get going and because the idea of me leaving without you KNOWING I'm leaving scares me a little, I always ask for a hug and a kiss and tell you to have a good day. So...

My sweet, chatty girl, you are getting closer to TWO years old and I would like you to slow down please.  You are getting so tall, so sassy, so dang funny, and so chatty these days, which I love, but  don't always love that you are old enough to be all of these things. In the last few weeks we are seeing your vocabulary continue to EXPLODE! I feel like I say this every time that I write. You LOVE books again these days, and I am sure that has a lot to do with the vocabulary explosion. The other day, while at Gramma and Grampa's house, Grampa revealed their red, refinished wagon. While out for a little tour of the backyard, and obviously ecstatic about the new wagon, you said "wagon, I want to, buy it." Ha! And while walking to their house after a day at daycare, you said, "No Grampa's house, Austy's house." And often you are saying, "I want it," "I got it," "I did it." You are putting together sentences of 3-6 word...

Brookings, Oregon There are many places in this world that stir emotions within me, that bring out a piece of me that has been dormant for awhile. If I think hard, there are a handful that come to my mind immediately. Gyeongbokgung, South Korea was a feeling that will not be matched. A majestic, powerful, historic relic in the midst of a bustling city. A gem that, although, is now surrounded by chaos, is a feeling all its own. Brookings, Oregon was a beauty and a peaceful serenity that could be compared with many places I have been, but will always stand out as a favourite. Haleiwa, Honolulu was a small surf town on the North Side of Honolulu, it was a quiet, green and lush, crashing-waves-crazy but warm-sand-cozy kind of place. Gyeongbokgung, South Korea Haleiwa, Honolulu Until this last weekend, our family cabin at Comox Lake is the only place in this world (so far) that brings me to tears upon simply thinking of its beauty, its' perfection and it's history....

Photo Credit to Daddy! At Peach Creek Trail I know, at some point a person just needs to stop counting their child's age in months and just cut straight to one, one and a half, or two, but my BABY is still my BABY, and we will count in months until she is 2, because any other way just makes her seem too big! Ava, I think I said the same thing last month, but you and Austy are just getting closer and closer. You  are so lucky to spend so much time together, and I hope it is always so easy for us all to see each other. I have such great memories of hanging out with cousins when we were younger, and I didn't get to see them nearly as much as you get to see your cousins, because we didn't live as close. Last weekend, I witnessed one of the sweetest things that I have seen, and I could not find the words to describe it then, and I'm not sure how to describe it now. My mom said at the time, "girls, it does not get better than this." You and Austen were eat...