Finding Peace

This weekend I participated in a walk for depression and mental illness, a walk to mostly raise awareness, but also to raise funds for such an important cause. This was the first year the walk had been done in Agassiz, and the first of many years that I will participate. Next year I will do a much better job of fundraising. This year I only sent emails and posted on facebook. I was so lucky to have 3 people (2 family, one family friend) donate to the cause, but as happy as I was that these three people were willing to help out, I couldn't help but think that for the three years that I did the Weekend to End Women's Cancers, I was able to raise over $2000 each year, and this year I raised $125 for depression and mental illness. As I said, I did not do my share of fundraising events, but it also says a lot about what this illness means to the majority of the people - or more, that it doesn't really mean much to most people, and I guess it wouldn't, until it is a huge part...

  I Wished on the Moon - Billie Holiday I tried to begin this post today with a mindless show, that I love, on in the background. It couldn't be done. I had to turn the t.v. off, turn itunes on, and scroll through the music to find just the kind before I began to "write." I ended up with Billie Holiday (link above.)  I think that is one of the great things about blogging. It takes you out of your world, out of the mindless and into your own mind for at least a few minutes in the day, and that doesn't happen enough these days! This song is actually quite perfect, a well as a dozen others that I could have chosen. It is quite an amazing time these days. On May 5th Brady and I went for our "dating" ultrasound, we were just past the first trimester so were pretty excited to see how photogenic our little critter was becoming! It turns out that he/she is currently a little bit of extraterrestrial mixed with a little bit of frog - and his/her parents couldn...

The Story- Brandi Carlile My best friend sent me this song a couple of weeks after her brother, my good friend, committed suicide - because she felt like it was the perfect song for his and I's relationship. She never explained why she felt like it was such a fitting song for Mike and I, but sometimes you don't even know, you just hear a song, the lyrics, the music, the power, and it is just meant for you, or for someone else. Maybe that is it. Maybe she knew the depth of her brother and I's friendship more than I knew she did- maybe she knew me better than I had even thought, and she thought that this was how I feel? I am not sure. I will never know, and will probably never ask, because lyrics are often meant to say things to people that we can't say ourselves. I didn't know this side of Jen until after Mike left. We sent a few songs back and forth to eachother, not many, because that is never the point, but we sent the ones that we happened to hear, and th...

It is simply unfair the pain and struggle that some people must endure in their lives. A friend from highschool passed away suddenly and tragically on Wednesday. We did not stay close after highschool, after he moved away, got married very young, and started a family. Thankfully, facebook allowed us to reconnect several years ago. Sadly, Darren's story is too similar to Mike's story. They both married fairly young (Darren, quite young), they both struggled in their marriages, with their illnesses and to feel free and comfortable to be just who they were, and to be accepted being just who they were. They both had children - Darren had two little boys, Owen and Max, and Mike had sweet Hannah. They both struggled with mental illness and were finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. They were both married to women who struggled to deal with all that bipolar entails, and struggled with how to handle the behaviours themselves, and how to keep their children safe. But of all of the ...

** Drve across Canada on a motorcycle. ** Camp on a beach. ** Travel around the Greek Islands. ** Volunteer in Cambodia.

 I have never been one for anniversaries, let alone anniversaries of bad things. I just can't bring myself to try and focus on bad things, but sometimes they just can't be avoided. No matter how much I will try to spin the good, the day will come once a year, when I will try to let it slide but just can't. I will try to think of you as little as I can on February 25th, because on that day, the memories rushing forward will be ones that haunt me, so I will think of you today. Today is the last time we spoke, two years ago. Two years. It is so hard to believe. Although the chat wasn't what I would wish to hear from you, and your voice wasn't as it had been in years past, it was your voice, and I know I will never forget it. Two years ago today you asked for help from me, and after two years of nothing but time to think about you- and that day, I know that I did what I could for you. It may never seem like enough, and it may never seem like I showered enough love on...

I LOVE Ellen, there is no other word to describe my little "relationship" with this talk show host other than LOVE! Ellen is never scared to talk about the things that many people are scared to talk about. I am not sure if the root of her bravery is in her sexual orientation, and the fact that she did not take the easy road, but she took the only road that she knew to take. And I ADORE that in her. She talks about bullying, she pays attention to "regular" people doing extraordinary things, she helps those in need, she fights for what she believes in. This post has gotten a little off track and has turned into a bit of a love-fest for Ellen, which is not what it was intended to be, but I think she deserves the love! Last week, Ellen had a guest on her show, Kristen Bell. An actress who I know next to nothing about, except that she has been in a couple of movies that I like. Anyways, while on the show, she told a story about her boyfriend surprising her on her bir...