Relationships.
After my first year of college, my high school (turned college) boyfriend and I broke up, and I remember the day my Mom said to me, "it's not just hard on you guys when things like this happen, it's hard on us too." At the time, when you're in the middle of your saddest playlist and you have emptied the house of all its tissues, it doesn't matter that it's hard on them. It was YOUR relationship, and it's now over, and you will be left to the pick up the pieces on your own. But now, 18 years later, and a lot of heartache in my past, I get it. I totally get it.
When my brother showed up on my doorstep after work yesterday, unannounced, a couple weeks back from holidays and fresh off a trip to Hawaii with his wife, I was happy and surprised. My kids love their Uncle Jason, and were overjoyed with the surprise visit, but I was skeptical. Him and I have always had a somewhat complicated relationship. I think we are VERY similar in ways, but polar opposites in others, and sometimes we just can't figure each other out, or don't want to. But, as always, when times are hard, it's not surprising to find him on my doorstep or me on his. And, times have gotten hard. He has begun the difficult process of separating from his second wife, his partner for the last 12 years, and the only Step-Mom or partner to Jason that his Lizzie has known, and although any of our opinions just don't matter, that doesn't stop us form having them, does it? Have you met me? No, it just can't stop me.
I was the girl for a good decade who was never going to get married. Never. And it's funny to think back on that now, because I grew up with parents who were just going to be together forever, that's just how it was going to be. I remember hard times, I remember tears, I remember yelling, but I don't ever remember feeling worried. I always remember feeling secure in our family. I grew up with Grandparents who would stay married for the rest of their lives. Happily? Not always, and as my Nanny gets older, she gets more honest, and we start to learn that all the days and years with our Papa were not rosy and perfect, but would they ever part? It just wasn't going to happen.
And this girl, the one who wasn't ever going to get married, and the one who had the world's most perfect first boyfriend was possibly just forcing this belief on herself until the one she really wanted to marry came around. And he did; and there would be no looking back. There would be no giving up, through the ups and the awful, awful downs that the 11 years before we got married would bring. I am not saying that that kind of stupid dedication is the way to go, because I would smack my girl if she put herself through the nonsense her Mom and Dad put themselves through in their younger years, but we are married now. Married for 6.5 years, and together (through the good, the bad, and the oh-so-ugly) for the better part of the last 17.5 years.
Some days, my husband and I don't speak more than a dozen words to each other; because we have made each other mad, because neither of us is willing to apologize, because our schedules are just too much sometimes, or because we are simply too dang tired.
We have 2 kids under 5 and another on the way way, and we are in that season of our lives where we are wiping runny noses, having small people join our bed in the middle of the night, and where we just want to lay on the couch or in bed at the end of the day.
I LOVE this season of our life, while sometimes longing for the day when we can have a night together not filled with exhaustion, or even a vacation together, just the two of us. But these days, I want to soak up all of these small children and their Daddy that I can. I want to be able to relax and laugh when our daughter runs down the hallway with her bum hanging out of her pants just to get a laugh, or when our son playfully dips his finger into his ketchup and dinner and laughs with all his might as he says "where did Riley's finger go?!"
Some days are boring, some days feel like they are just never going to end, but this is the life we dreamed of, and life we have created. We decided to marry each other, with the idea that it was for our whole lives. Some days are gonna suck, some days we are going to say what we are thinking and what we shouldn't say aloud, but when we said "we do," we meant "we will always." And we will.
When my brother showed up on my doorstep after work yesterday, unannounced, a couple weeks back from holidays and fresh off a trip to Hawaii with his wife, I was happy and surprised. My kids love their Uncle Jason, and were overjoyed with the surprise visit, but I was skeptical. Him and I have always had a somewhat complicated relationship. I think we are VERY similar in ways, but polar opposites in others, and sometimes we just can't figure each other out, or don't want to. But, as always, when times are hard, it's not surprising to find him on my doorstep or me on his. And, times have gotten hard. He has begun the difficult process of separating from his second wife, his partner for the last 12 years, and the only Step-Mom or partner to Jason that his Lizzie has known, and although any of our opinions just don't matter, that doesn't stop us form having them, does it? Have you met me? No, it just can't stop me.
I was the girl for a good decade who was never going to get married. Never. And it's funny to think back on that now, because I grew up with parents who were just going to be together forever, that's just how it was going to be. I remember hard times, I remember tears, I remember yelling, but I don't ever remember feeling worried. I always remember feeling secure in our family. I grew up with Grandparents who would stay married for the rest of their lives. Happily? Not always, and as my Nanny gets older, she gets more honest, and we start to learn that all the days and years with our Papa were not rosy and perfect, but would they ever part? It just wasn't going to happen.
And this girl, the one who wasn't ever going to get married, and the one who had the world's most perfect first boyfriend was possibly just forcing this belief on herself until the one she really wanted to marry came around. And he did; and there would be no looking back. There would be no giving up, through the ups and the awful, awful downs that the 11 years before we got married would bring. I am not saying that that kind of stupid dedication is the way to go, because I would smack my girl if she put herself through the nonsense her Mom and Dad put themselves through in their younger years, but we are married now. Married for 6.5 years, and together (through the good, the bad, and the oh-so-ugly) for the better part of the last 17.5 years.
Some days, my husband and I don't speak more than a dozen words to each other; because we have made each other mad, because neither of us is willing to apologize, because our schedules are just too much sometimes, or because we are simply too dang tired.
We have 2 kids under 5 and another on the way way, and we are in that season of our lives where we are wiping runny noses, having small people join our bed in the middle of the night, and where we just want to lay on the couch or in bed at the end of the day.
I LOVE this season of our life, while sometimes longing for the day when we can have a night together not filled with exhaustion, or even a vacation together, just the two of us. But these days, I want to soak up all of these small children and their Daddy that I can. I want to be able to relax and laugh when our daughter runs down the hallway with her bum hanging out of her pants just to get a laugh, or when our son playfully dips his finger into his ketchup and dinner and laughs with all his might as he says "where did Riley's finger go?!"
Some days are boring, some days feel like they are just never going to end, but this is the life we dreamed of, and life we have created. We decided to marry each other, with the idea that it was for our whole lives. Some days are gonna suck, some days we are going to say what we are thinking and what we shouldn't say aloud, but when we said "we do," we meant "we will always." And we will.
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