Mama Bear
I have been feeling like that ON EDGE Mama who will snap at ANY moment if you fuck with her kids, even in the smallest most insignificant way, for the better part of 2 weeks.
Our sweet daughter, who is 4, has just started in her fourth daycare in as many years. When Ava turned one, us newbie parents had the TOUGH job of finding a daycare who would LOVE our child nearly as much as we did We had other requirements too, but love was the number one. The daycare that we found, after much searching and interviewing, never worked. It was a battle dropping Ava off every single day that she was there. Ava lasted just over 6 months at this daycare, and one day when Brady went to pick her up, he found her at the park, sitting in a non-moving swing, with no one even close to her. This created a pit in his stomach, and when I got home from work I phoned her daycare provider to check in on how she had been doing. During this conversation her daycare provider (who had no concerns to that point) told us that Ava had some serious behaviour problems and that her care would be terminated effective immediately. Cue my parents, our rescuers!
For the following September, we found a LOVELY daycare just down the street from my Mom and Dad. Ava was ADORED, and happy, and it was perfect. Ava stayed at this daycare until she was 2, but as she was only 4 days a week, her care was terminated and her spot filled for someone who made the daycare provider more money. Our child's heart was broken. Cue our next rescuer, Sara, and our daycare dream really HAD come true. It was a perfect fit. Ava never shed a tear, she was happy, she was loved as much as a daycare provider can love a child that is not their own.
When we had Ava's baby brother, Riley, I was SO lucky to get to stay home for a year with the two of them, and when I went back to work in January, Ava picked up right where she left off and Riley followed suit. This boy did not shed a tear (because he doesn't often anyways) and he was happy, happy, happy, and instantly attached to Sara.
A week and a half ago Ava and Riley lost their dream daycare. This is a post for another day, but our unlicensed daycare, that we knew all about, was reported, and our babies lost their friends and daycare provider. I have been going back and forth in bouts of anger on who could report such a wonderful and loving person and how unlucky our children have been on this front. We searched and searched, and ended up finding a new daycare centre for our children. It is a centre, and not a home like our kids have been used to, and the first week was not a success by any means. There are new routines, they have lost their old friends, and their Sara, and the setting does not lend well to either of their personalities. They will be cared for, and they will be liked, but they are not together, and my heart aches when I have to leave them.
I have been on the verge of tears for a week, well, on the verge in the moments when I am not already crying. Our babies are HAPPY, and we are LUCKY, but last week our little girl asked several of the ladies at her daycare, through tears, if they could drive her home, and our boy has spent two full days with his soother in his mouth, gripping his bunny tightly. They cry and cling when I leave, and my heart sinks. And then when I think about it as I lay down at night, my heart aches.
This morning, our girl started up a new session of dance. Ava went to this centre for dance when she was two and we were not keen on her teacher, and how she interacted with such small, fragile people. We gave it another go before Spring Break, and Ava loved it. Ava has had the worst week this week with a new daycare, but was so excited for dance this morning. She did really great for 10 minutes, but then asked her teacher for water. When she was told no several times, she began to look out the window at me, and her teacher told her to stop looking out the window or she would close the blinds. This upset her, obviously, and she asked through tears if she could get her water. Her teacher told her that if she went to get her water she couldn't come back. She asked Ava if that was what she wanted, and Ava nodded through tears. Infront of all the other kids, and a widow filled with parents eyes, Ava's teacher, the adult, turned her back on Ava and said, "fine, you can leave, but don't come back." I burst open the door and got my baby.
What the fuck?! What did MY sweet baby do to deserve such rudeness and heartache.
I am feeling that side of me come out. That Mama Bear that I have heard so much about, I am becoming her, and it sucks, because I know that it is just the beginning. I know that my daughter is going to run into shitty people in her life, who are going to make her feel like crap, and the best that I can do is help her through it. This week I have felt helpless. I have felt like I have no control and that there is nothing that I can do to protect her. She keeps taking blow after blow, and I am just there, to wipe her tears and to tell her that sometimes people say things that they don't mean, and that sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to, and that it has nothing to do with her, it just has to do with them.
How do you explain that to a four year old? Because I feel like scooping her and hugging her, and loving her, and praising her for how brave and strong she is is just not working, and it's just not fair for me to have to do that so much.
When I became I mom, I didn't think about all of this. I didn't think of the people that were going to hurt her, with mean and thoughtless words, and how I was going to deal with that, and how it would effect her. I hope that she is young enough that she won't remember this dance teacher, just as I hoped that she wouldn't remember her first daycare provider.
My sweet darling girl, I love you with all my heart, and even though it won't always help you when I tell you how sweet, and thoughtful, and caring, and strong, and brave you are; I am not going to stop saying it.
I love you darling girl.
Our sweet daughter, who is 4, has just started in her fourth daycare in as many years. When Ava turned one, us newbie parents had the TOUGH job of finding a daycare who would LOVE our child nearly as much as we did We had other requirements too, but love was the number one. The daycare that we found, after much searching and interviewing, never worked. It was a battle dropping Ava off every single day that she was there. Ava lasted just over 6 months at this daycare, and one day when Brady went to pick her up, he found her at the park, sitting in a non-moving swing, with no one even close to her. This created a pit in his stomach, and when I got home from work I phoned her daycare provider to check in on how she had been doing. During this conversation her daycare provider (who had no concerns to that point) told us that Ava had some serious behaviour problems and that her care would be terminated effective immediately. Cue my parents, our rescuers!
For the following September, we found a LOVELY daycare just down the street from my Mom and Dad. Ava was ADORED, and happy, and it was perfect. Ava stayed at this daycare until she was 2, but as she was only 4 days a week, her care was terminated and her spot filled for someone who made the daycare provider more money. Our child's heart was broken. Cue our next rescuer, Sara, and our daycare dream really HAD come true. It was a perfect fit. Ava never shed a tear, she was happy, she was loved as much as a daycare provider can love a child that is not their own.
When we had Ava's baby brother, Riley, I was SO lucky to get to stay home for a year with the two of them, and when I went back to work in January, Ava picked up right where she left off and Riley followed suit. This boy did not shed a tear (because he doesn't often anyways) and he was happy, happy, happy, and instantly attached to Sara.
A week and a half ago Ava and Riley lost their dream daycare. This is a post for another day, but our unlicensed daycare, that we knew all about, was reported, and our babies lost their friends and daycare provider. I have been going back and forth in bouts of anger on who could report such a wonderful and loving person and how unlucky our children have been on this front. We searched and searched, and ended up finding a new daycare centre for our children. It is a centre, and not a home like our kids have been used to, and the first week was not a success by any means. There are new routines, they have lost their old friends, and their Sara, and the setting does not lend well to either of their personalities. They will be cared for, and they will be liked, but they are not together, and my heart aches when I have to leave them.
I have been on the verge of tears for a week, well, on the verge in the moments when I am not already crying. Our babies are HAPPY, and we are LUCKY, but last week our little girl asked several of the ladies at her daycare, through tears, if they could drive her home, and our boy has spent two full days with his soother in his mouth, gripping his bunny tightly. They cry and cling when I leave, and my heart sinks. And then when I think about it as I lay down at night, my heart aches.
This morning, our girl started up a new session of dance. Ava went to this centre for dance when she was two and we were not keen on her teacher, and how she interacted with such small, fragile people. We gave it another go before Spring Break, and Ava loved it. Ava has had the worst week this week with a new daycare, but was so excited for dance this morning. She did really great for 10 minutes, but then asked her teacher for water. When she was told no several times, she began to look out the window at me, and her teacher told her to stop looking out the window or she would close the blinds. This upset her, obviously, and she asked through tears if she could get her water. Her teacher told her that if she went to get her water she couldn't come back. She asked Ava if that was what she wanted, and Ava nodded through tears. Infront of all the other kids, and a widow filled with parents eyes, Ava's teacher, the adult, turned her back on Ava and said, "fine, you can leave, but don't come back." I burst open the door and got my baby.
What the fuck?! What did MY sweet baby do to deserve such rudeness and heartache.
I am feeling that side of me come out. That Mama Bear that I have heard so much about, I am becoming her, and it sucks, because I know that it is just the beginning. I know that my daughter is going to run into shitty people in her life, who are going to make her feel like crap, and the best that I can do is help her through it. This week I have felt helpless. I have felt like I have no control and that there is nothing that I can do to protect her. She keeps taking blow after blow, and I am just there, to wipe her tears and to tell her that sometimes people say things that they don't mean, and that sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to, and that it has nothing to do with her, it just has to do with them.
How do you explain that to a four year old? Because I feel like scooping her and hugging her, and loving her, and praising her for how brave and strong she is is just not working, and it's just not fair for me to have to do that so much.
When I became I mom, I didn't think about all of this. I didn't think of the people that were going to hurt her, with mean and thoughtless words, and how I was going to deal with that, and how it would effect her. I hope that she is young enough that she won't remember this dance teacher, just as I hoped that she wouldn't remember her first daycare provider.
My sweet darling girl, I love you with all my heart, and even though it won't always help you when I tell you how sweet, and thoughtful, and caring, and strong, and brave you are; I am not going to stop saying it.
I love you darling girl.
Comments
Post a Comment