Finding Peace

My sweet darlings are just that, and more. They are sweet, they are sensitive, they are kind (usually), they are hilarious, observant, adventurous, and maybe, just maybe they are sometimes wild. I don't shy away away from taking my kids places because there are 3 of them and one of me (when my husband is at work), because what fun would that be, having to always wait for Daddy to be home to do fun things away from our house? I am not sure if it is that the weather is nicer and we are out more, but it has overwhelmed me over the last month the number of times people have commented on how many kids I have. Is 3 a lot? Apparently. People say things without thinking, everyone does it, and it doesn't usually bother me, but something has shifted. I don't know if I am just now starting to notice how often people say it, or if they are actually saying it more. Over Spring Break my husband didn't have much holiday time, so we did a lot of adventuring without him, including a...

Sweet darling, you are changing soooooooo fast!! You are a JOY to my life, a joy like I knew you would be. You are joy to all of us, Layla. Sweet baby,  you are become less quiet as each day passes. You adore your brother and sister, and your arms flail as if coming loose from your body every time Ava or Riley walk into the room. They yell at you, and you yell back, and although many would be surprised, I am confident you now have the loudest scream of us all. You perfected your wave a few weeks ago, a side to side whole hand motion that was one of the most adorable things I thought I had seen; that is, until it changed to a wiggly finger wave, mostly at yourself, so that you could watch in amazement at what those little digits were doing! You are so proud when you wave, and seem to have learned what "hi" means, and that when you hear it, you should wiggle those little things on your hand. You have also perfected the shy snuggle. It is my current favourite I think. Y...

When we were younger, my twin sister always knew she wanted to play basketball at UBC when she graduated high school...thank you Mom and Dad for always taking us to UBC games as kids! And she did it, she played at UBC and was a star. She always knew she wanted to play for the National Team, and she did it. She has always wanted to coach the National Team, and I believe she will, maybe after she coaches at UBC? Who knows? I bet she does. ** This just in, just got an email from her that she got a job with the Canadian Development Team that will go to Italy in July, good grief. She always knew. She always knew what she wanted and she always worked hard to get it. She woke up in the mornings before school to practice at the gym with our Dad, when aaaaallll I wanted in the WORLD was to sleep for just a few more minutes. When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a Mom. My Mom was the best one. I don't remember our attitudes ever phasing her, our constant demands overwhelming her,...

Darling girl, you are one of a kind. Once in a lifetime even. Everything about you is different than I could have imagined. My pregnancy was nothing short of painful, and 7 months later my body is still in recovery mode, every dang day. It was a different pregnancy than with your brother and sister, and darling girl, it was a heck of a different delivery. Miss Layla, you arrived with a head FULL of hair, DARK hair, and dark skin...nothing like your brother and sister, and from that day forward, there has been no looking back. Sweet bean, you are the most quiet, calm, and gentle baby, and I don't know how you ended up in our family, but I am sure glad you did! When I was pregnant with you, I would put Riley to bed and we would read books with him sitting in my lap. After we were finished books, we would always since "Twinkle Twinkle" followed by "You are my Sunshine," and without fail, you would always begin to kick when it was song time. Daddy took you out...

I have been in tears for the better part of today, but if I'm being honest, I have been in tears for the better part of the last month. In the bathroom when I have a second away from kids, in the car when I'm going to pick up my oldest from school and the other two are quietly snacking (on real food or whatever they can shove in their mouths to occupy the space and silence), and again, in the car when I have a moment to myself. Again, as I sit on my bed re-reading old letters and notes from her, searching for the words "I love you," and letting the tears fall again once I've found those magic words. In a puddle when I find not only the 3 words every human longs to hear from their grandparent, but when I also find words like "he would be proud of you," or "you are so thoughtful," or, the ones that pain me a little more, "thank you for loving this old woman so much." In those last words, I know that she knew I loved her with my whole ...

Looking for mice at Cheam Wetlands. My sweet darling boy, you are three and I just don't know how it is possible that you have only been in our lives for 3 years. It seems impossible that the amount of love we have for you has only accumulated in 3 years, because it feels like a lifetime's worth. If I was asked to choose ONE word to describe you, it would be JOY. You are just.full of it...joy and other things, to be honest, but joy is the big one. Riley, you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me want to be the best that I can for you. My favorite Riley words these days are, "Mommy, I want you to lay with me." "Can you play with me, Mommy?" "I love YOU, Mommy." "I love you more, Mommy." You call toys and boys "tays" and "bays," and it is adorable. You bring me Layla's baby monitor when it is beeping and say, "here is the thermonitor Mommy," and I just can't bare to correct you. Darling...