Finding Peace

My sweet boy, you are SIX months old already, and my problem with sitting down to write to you is that I feel like I will never be able to stop. I know Mama's are supposed to rave about their boys, and that all boys are deemed to perfect, if you just ask their Mother, but goodness boy, YOU ARE! You are six months old today, and this time with you is going by way, way, way too fast, and as much as I can not WAIT to see who you become, if time were to stand still that would mean that I would never have to go back, and these days at home with you and your sister could just go on and on and on. Darling boy, we moved into our new house at the end of April, and you went into your own room and we cut it down to two feeds at night  It is now at the end of June, and that is where you remain. If there is anything I learned from your sister, it is to just LET IT GO. I am not going to attempt to control EVERYTHING (just most things), and these snuggles with you in the night time are p...

As I sit here ready to let words pour onto "paper," I am reminding myself to ask my daughter in the morning what happiness is to her. Happiness is __________________. I wonder what she will say. I think she will, at first, say, "everything," as that is her stock answer. "Ava, what is your favourite color?" "All of them." "Ava, what was your favourite part of today?" "All of the things." Part of me wants her to be specific, so I know what exactly brings her joy, and what brings her sadness, and all of the other feelings. But on most days, I really do believe that her favourite part of every day is, in fact, everything. My sweet darling girl, happiness is: you and your brother.   Actually, happiness is not the right word. JOY is the right word. JOY is your brother and you. Simple. Sweet darling girl, we have been in our new home for nearly one month. A chaotic month it has been, moving into the basement, ripping apart ...

Sweet girl, you and I went hiking last week with Jen and Tessa. It was to a place that we had never been before, and although it was not a very long hike, it was more of a HIKE than I had thought. You were such a happy little hiker, even though you were a little sick, and you walked carefully up the whole way, where we ended up looking out over the Cheam Wetlands. You liked the smell of the wood stairs, just like your Mommy, and you were quick to point out any flower, different kind of leaf, and bug that you saw. Your little legs began to tire on the way down, and you walked beside Mommy and Riley, holding my hand, the entire way down. On the drive home, you so tiredly and thoughtfully said, "Mommy, I think Daddy would like this hike." The very next day, Saturday, we decided we would take Daddy on the hike too, and Ava, you were SO excited to show Daddy everything that you remembered from the day before. And even though Daddy pointed out some things that you and I had ...

Sweet boy, are we ever thankful for you. We are thankful every single day, but boy have you been our calming presence over the last couple of weeks. Your sister has had a very hard time since we took her soother away- maybe it is because of the soother, maybe it is because she is 3. Some days you do not get to have a good nap because your sister has spent so much time screaming and so little time sleeping that either you don't get a chance to fall asleep or you are woken up and can't get back to sleep. But you hardly ever cry. You are happily carried around, wherever mommy has to go. Your sisters loud shenanigans don't scare you, and when Mommy has to lay you down to help her get back into bed, you just lie there until I am finished. Riley, I am thankful with how calm and peaceful you are. Your sister was sass, right from the start, and I LOVE that about her, and you, you have been calm and peaceful right from the start. On days when I feel like I am not going any of...

There are moments in this life when I feel overwhelmed, or not as capable as I thought I was, or simply not as strong and together as I would like to be. And then there are the moments that matter to me at the end of the day. The moment yesterday, when I sat on the bench feeding my sweet boy, at the "monkey bar park," and I watched my daughter enjoy a moment of pure bliss while her Daddy pushed her on the swings. That sweet girl is just that, sweet. She is so full of life and energy, and a bit of craziness, and I love her in all her moments, but that moment was something else. I could not take my eyes off of her, as she went back and forth, back and forth. She would swing away, and my smile would grow bigger each time as I would wait for her to swing back towards me so I could see her face. She probably won't remember that moment as she gets older, but to me, it's a moment I will never forget. Her three year old face, on that sunny summer-like day, as her Dadd...

Our sweet boy, you are just that. Your sister was all sass and spunk, right from the beginning (in the best kind of way), and so far, you are sweet and chill, perhaps taking a little bit after your Daddy. Our boy, you are growing like a WEED! I am quite certain that is because you ate every hour and a half to two hours for the first two months of your life. And although you have slowed down a little bit, you still like the extra snacks and snuggle time in the middle of the night. It really pooped your Mommy out for the first couple of months, and really, it still does, but I am getting used to it, and I am beginning to embrace every new and different thing that makes you you. You are so different from your sister. We thought that this was going to be a breeze because we must have made all of our mistakes on Ava (sorry kiddo!), but it has not quite been that way. We are much slower to worry, to stress out, and to think we are not doing it "right," but the part that your ...

Our sweet girl, it isn't always the easiest being a big sister, is it? Your Mommy and Daddy thought for a little while that you had been cursed with having to become a big sister at the same time you would become a "threenager," but we don't think you are a "threenager" at all, we just had a little learning to do.  We have had some hard days in the last month, and after one particularly terrible day where Mommy ended up in the hospital with a broken toe and in tears, with Grampa we knew that something had to give. On this day, that culminated in a door-slamming session when Mommy asked you to be quiet because she was teaching Riley to sleep in his crib, we think we have begun to turn a corner. Darling girl, you are pushing it. You spent a week or so getting out of your bed at night, refusing to go to bed at all, and running away from Mommy or Daddy when we asked you to do something. A week or so, and the phase passed. You spent a week or so asking for ...